Tuesday, March 8, 2011

The Weight of the Wait

Love has been all up in my face lately. Pimp slapping me viciously and laughing at my inability to understand the ambiguity of its existence.

My best friends and I often discuss love. Breaking it down into pieces of the truth. Our own truths based on our own experiences. The only problem is... we're all different and our individual experiences are far from synonymous.

Currently, I'm in love... with God, with life, and yes, a man. I am also in transition. Plans for my career are in motion and I have devised a 5 year plan. The order of my priorities has always been: Education, Career, Marriage, Kids. Check for Education and Career. While anticipating said man to put a ring on it and knock me up thereafter, I'm stuck dealing with the reality of love and realizing that everything outside of it is easy, but love itself is hard.

I have no problem arranging or formulating things when the circumstances involve me and only me. But love makes me consider someone else... and I'm selfish. I have to factor in the hopes and dreams of another person and compromise so that WE can eventually be on the same page and migrate to being happy together.

For the past few days I have been bombarded with random potions of love and relationship factualisms:

Example 1: "Marriage comes with three rings... The engagement ring, the wedding ring and the suffering."

Example 2: "Marriage is just a long-term opportunity to practice loving someone even when they don't deserve it."

Either someone is trying to tell me that I shouldn't get married OR these are signs... A wake up call perhaps.

And then...

One of my besties stumbled across this poem and shared it with me (listen to poem before reading below):

Oftentimes we get so caught up in what it is that we want, we forget about God and what He has already planned for our lives. We fall in love and become blinded by the satisfaction of someone's company. Hoping, but not knowing for sure if you are meant to be with that person... forever. This is what makes love so complicated. Because what we want may not cooperate with what God says... and it is when we become disobedient that we end up with broken and bitter hearts.

But how are we to know if we should wait alone or continue to open ourselves up and be vulnerable to heartbreak? The answer to that question remains unknown. We all must make our own choices...

Love is complicated and marriage is scary, but I desire them both so I'm forced to mold myself into a woman who is willing to make sacrifices for the betterment of myself and the man that I will someday marry. The weight of the wait is heavy, but I'm constantly growing through this process and learning more about who I am and what it is that I truly want. Hopefully in 5 years, instead of singing "if you like it then you should have put a ring on it" I'll be saying "I do" to the man of my dreams and be able to someday tell our kids how I waited for God to show me that he was the one.

*Music is Life... Poetry is Love*