Friday, October 28, 2011

The Beating from Cheating

In the words of Keri Hilson, "every woman has a breaking point"... but exactly how long it takes us to crack is an ongoing ambiguous debate.

I conducted a survey this week and solicited responses for the following questions:

What is your definition of cheating? Which specific cheating actions do you believe are/are not forgivable? Have you ever been cheated on? If so, what was your initial reaction?

Based on my compiled data and my own distinctive beliefs, I was able to efficiently produce an authentic definition for the act of cheating: "Intentionally committing a deceitful act, including physical and/or emotional forms of lustful encounters, that will knowingly invite irreconcilable feelings of humiliation, anger, or pain for your significant other."

I have personally experienced the backlash of unwanted discoveries and hidden secrets. Fortunately and unfortunately, my female intuition forced me to pay attention to common signs of fraudulent and conniving activity. Although I was often warned about the cliché assertion, "when you go looking for something you just might find it", I was never resolved enough to understand it.

I faithfully dedicated myself to someone who was undeserving of my affection for almost 7 years. Foolishly naive and suffering from certain aspects of denial, I decided to cope with the agony of betrayal because, I thought, he loved me.

There's a thin line between being forgiving and being foolish. Too many of us women are teetering on the tight rope. Once a woman decides to forgive, she sincerely expects to be reimbursed for all of the heartache and suffering she chose to endure. It should be noted that men can’t handle the strain of being deceived. As soon as they’re crossed, it’s immediately “on to the next one”. But when a man constantly takes advantage of a woman's nature to be lenient, despite the difficulty, and grant second, third, and infinite chances, he will eventually reap the consequences of his dealings.
I am eagerly expecting most men to react with valid rebuttals of equal unfaithful recollections. However, it is my hope that every reader will attempt to completely comprehend my overall perspective. It is evident that men and women were contrarily created to carry out differing roles and responsibilities. Even Steve Harvey admits that "women can't do what men do and expect to still be treated like a lady". I totally concur.
The point that I'm aiming to make is that, because cheating is such a controversial topic, the male and female species may never be able to reach a concrete agreement on what constitutes forgiveness and how that ultimately affects the remainder of someone's life, male or female.

When a cheater realizes his or her mistake, it is often too late for reconciliation, but every situation is different. Furthermore, it remains clear that without the acquisition of willed effort, persistent dedication, and a true commitment to restoring the initial elements of interest that catapulted the attraction, love will undoubtedly get lost in the shuffle of apologetic expressions. Sad to say, many men (and women) aren't built for the challenge of redemption.

In conclusion, I pose the following questions:
Is it possible to regain trust in a relationship once the act of cheating has occurred? How does one overcome the fear of being cheated on again after deciding to forgive and start anew? Once a cheater, always a cheater... or can a cheater change?
Instead of offering to share my own answers for these disputable interrogatories, as always, I'll let my readers be the judge...
*Music is Life... Poetry is Love*

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Sideline Superman

Sideline Superman

The armor wearing knight, pick-me-up type when your man ain't doin' right
Every woman needs a Sideline Superman in her life

He's waiting patiently to enter the game
but she keeps wanting more of the same pain
and disappointment
A recurring cycle of abuse
and all he wants is a chance to reverse the hurt
and show her what a real man is supposed to do

Good guys finish last because good girls continue to pass
on all they have to give
We'd rather waste time on the fine guy who approached us first dibs
instead of allowing Clark Kent to use his superpower gifts

A sad story that usually ends with broken hearts
The bad guy crushed her to pieces
while Sideline Superman was sitting on the bench picking up the parts

He would have never made her cry
but when she finally builds up the strength to say goodbye to the bad guy
Sideline Superman is no longer wearing his disguise

She couldn't get to him in time
A bad woman had already become his kryptonite

The game continues and they end up as friends
but neither one can find the strength to start all over again
If only she would have given him a chance from the start
They both could have escaped the effects of a broken heart

The fear of being alone came back to haunt her again
but she's still holding on to the love she has within

Next time she'll know how to handle it right
and if she happens to find another armor wearing knight pick-me-up type
she'll jump at the chance to let him make her his wife
because every Superwoman deserves a Superman in her life

After posting this poem stanza by stanza on my Facebook status updates on Monday of this week, I was bombarded with questions. I have taken the time to address what many have been wondering below:

1. Who is this about? Is this based on a personal experience?

Sideline Superman was inspired by various encounters that I've had with other women throughout my adult life. Stories were shared during conversations about being mistreated by a significant other, complaints about what that significant other isn't doing right and uncertainty about the future of the relationship. In the midst of these exchanges, there was one common problem. Regardless of the issue(s) at hand, the woman (myself included) still made the decision to stay and deal with the repercussions of constant disappointment and let downs.

2. What exactly is a Sideline Superman?

A Sideline Superman is a respectful, platonic male friend who takes the time to listen to you express your hurt, provides unbiased advice, and attempts to understand and sympathize with what you are going through. He genuinely cares about your happiness and will unselfishly support your decision to be with someone else, even if he has developed romantic feelings for you.

3. Do you have a Sideline Superman?

Based on the above stated definition, yes. I have three close male friends (boy besties as I like to call them) whom I've never been romantically involved with. They have all supported me over the years and continue to actively serve in their positions as my personal bodyguards.

However, I am currently in love with someone who is attempting to be my real-life Superman. No cartoon effects, no actual superhuman abilities, just an honest, caring man doing everything in his power to love me the way that I need to be loved. While struggling to reach my own comfortable level of Superwomanhood, I'm striving each day to be more understanding and less selfish so that God can position the layout for us to live happily ever after on our own personalized Krypton planet... and together, we will both save the world.

*Music is Life... Poetry is Love*

Saturday, October 15, 2011

SMS - Single Mother Superwoman

Life is about progression... changing... transforming. During those reconstructive periods, we all sometimes stumble and make mistakes. Mistakes that eventually become beautiful blessings.

My parents have been together for roughly 30 years. They decided to get married on my brother's birthday in 1995. I was 8 years old and on that day, he was turning 3. We both were granted the privilege of witnessing the two people we loved most in the world pledge their love to each other in front of God and many others.

Although they did not follow the traditional path of marrying before having kids, every day they strive to set an example of how to establish and maintain a model version of family structure for both my brother and I. Through good times and bad, they've worked hard to escape the traps of their respective childhood disappointments.

Both of my parents grew up in single parent homes. My maternal grandmother raised 6 girls on her own and has never been married. My paternal grandmother shared parental duties with my grandfather and never remarried after their divorce. 

I know many single mothers, and they all have allowed me to develop my own concrete perspective on what it truly means to be responsible for someone else's life. However, I am indeed on the outside looking in and my judgmental opinion may not be valid to those mothers (and fathers) who are more familiar with the firsthand struggles of raising a child on their own. 

Two of my closest friends became unexpected mothers at fairly young ages. Their inspiring stories are below:

Meet Melissa... an intelligent, caring, self-assured woman who found out that she would become a young mother at the age of 16, while still in high school. Her son, Darius, was born in December of 2003. However, Melissa still went on to graduate, on time, and even received a full scholarship to attend the University of North Florida. In 2009, she graduated with a Bachelor's degree in Community Health and shortly after, received a job offer to utilize her academic achievements at the Johnson Family YMCA as a Health Educator. Melissa is currently working as a Claims Adjuster for State Farm Insurance, and works hard daily to provide a stable life for herself and Darius, independently and effortlessly.

Meet Ashley... a strong-willed, feisty, humorous woman who found out that she would become a mother at the age of 20, two short years after graduating from high school. Her daughter, Asia, was born in December of 2006. After ending the relationship with Asia's father, Ashley made the bold decision to raise Asia in a healthier environment on her own. In 2010, Ashley received her Associate's degree in Elementary Education from Florida State College at Jacksonville. She currently works full-time as a Customer Service Representative while continuing to pursue her Bachelor's degree. Ashley dreams of becoming a successful educator who lends her motherly tendencies to future students who just might be lacking love at home.

Melissa and Ashley are both products of single parent households. Although they were unable to break this unfortunate worldwide cycle, they are prime examples of motivational mothers.

This blog post is meant to serve as an inspirational boost for other single mothers who may sometimes want to give up when times get too hard. Much like Melissa and Ashley, you are all well deserving of the Single Mother Superwoman title.

Please listen to the musical dedications below:  

*Music is Life... Poetry is Love* 

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Music is Life

I love music. More than I love most things. Because of my inability to carry a tune or hit high notes that touch the sky, I write. Writing is my song. My one hit wonder. The beat that gets me moving every day.

There's just something about the creative delivery of lyrical content wrapped up in soulful melodies that depicts feelings I sometimes can't express in my own words. Syncopated Poetry...

I seldom listen to the radio because of the favored repetition of what's popular and apparently, what sells. I'm into conscious music, beautiful melodies and meaningful lyrics that have a purpose, but occasionally I fall victim to what's "fye"... as my brother often exclaims when he shares new hip-hop jams with me.

You can tell a lot about a person when dissecting the type of music they listen to. Below is a list of randomly shuffled artists and songs on my iPod Touch that assisted me in my transitions and mood changes as I successfully made it through today's work load.

Alicia Keys - A Woman's Worth

Raheem DeVaughn - Mo' Betta

Keyshia Cole - Sent from Heaven

Adele - Don't You Remember

Aaliyah - We Need a Resolution

Destiny's Child - Bills, Bills, Bills

Miguel - Hero

Monica - Before You Walk Out My Life

Kirk Franklin - The Storm is Over Now

Wyclef Jean ft. Claudette Ortiz - Two Wrongs

Mary J. Blige - Work That

Lupe Fiasco ft. Trey Songz - Outta My Head

Usher ft. T.I. - Guilty

Robin Thicke ft. Nicki Minaj - Shakin' It 4 Daddy

Leona Lewis - Bleeding Love

Beyonce - Rather Die Young

Fantasia - I'm Doin' Me

Adele - Hiding My Heart

Chris Brown - I Should've Kissed You

Adele - Rumour Has It

Hamilton Park - Thing Called Us

The Original Soul Seekers - It's All God

Lloyd ft. Trey Songz - Be the One

John Legend - Good Morning

Destiny's Child - Now That She's Gone

Kelly Rowland - Motivation

Cee-Lo ft. Melanie Fiona - Fool for You

Miguel ft. J. Cole - All I Want is You

Miguel - Girl With The Tattoo Enterlewd

Ruben Studdard - Together

Kelly Rowland - Feelin' Me Right Now

Beyonce - I Care

Ace Hood ft. Chris Brown - Body 2 Body
Nicki Minaj ft. Rihanna - Fly
Marsha Ambrosius - The Break Up Song
Mariah Carey - Honey
John Legend ft. Kanye West - Number One
Maxwell - Fortunate
Brandy - Best Friend
Nicki Minaj ft. Kanye West - Blazin'

Marvin Sapp - Praise Him in Advance

Ledisi - Free Again

Monica - If You Were My Man
 Keri Hilson - All the Boys

Chrisette Michele - I Don't Know Why, But I Do
*Music is Life... Poetry is Love*